just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
