my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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