3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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