dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
