I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
