There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
