whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
