a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
