'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
