Its about making memories worth repressing
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
