I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
