I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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