how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
vagina is talking i cant
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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