woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
