I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
