I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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