You just made me feel so damn special
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
