Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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