where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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