i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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