It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
