Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
