You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
