I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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