the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
