Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
