I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
