The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
