i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
