My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
