HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
