Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
