My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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