note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
