Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
