Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
