then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My room smells like vodka and shame
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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