dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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