All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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