You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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