You're my little dorito
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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