I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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