I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
