So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
