i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
