Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
