I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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