question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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