suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
