I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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