Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
